Here we go.
When I was about eight daddy sent me to the store to buy some nails. Back then they were loose and in a wooden barrel and sold by the pound, half pound or however many you needed. By the time I got out of the holler I had forgotten what size he said so I winged it. Size 51 penny nails, I told the store keeper, Claude Blair. He was a wonderful man and if his lips quivered a bit when I said that, I didn’t think much about it. He told me”I’m all out of that size but I have some I think will work.” There were several old men sitting around on sacks of feed and they all got a coughing spell at the same time. when I got home I told daddy that they were all out of 51 penny nails but he sent some that he thought would work. Daddy smiled and said” that will work fine.’’Later when I went into the store again and the same old men were there and a couple of others also. One spoke up and said “that was a plumb good joke your pa got on you with the nails. Your daddy is a sight.” The other men looked a bit uncomfortable. “What joke?” He said and suddenly I knew. I had asked for the wrong size nails. Daddy took the blame for it. Just another one of his jokes. He never once mentioned it even when some of the men told him that he shouldn’t have done that to me. But daddy and I knew and it raised my love for him a few notches.---December 26
The food is on the stove cooking, the lights are twinkling on my tree, the great grand is napping and I'm trying to warm my feet with a cat in my lap aggravating me. I was thinking as usual. Lately several people have told me that their spouses have not forgiven them for things they have done even though they have tried to change. They have tried to bring God into their hearts and be better people. My daddy was a kind and gentle person to me. He was a lot of fun...most of the time. I loved him dearly and I always will. I'm going to tell you all a story of forgiveness beyond imaging. I was in a store one day while visiting my mother. She and I were together. Suddenly the woman in front of us fell and somehow became tangled in a cart. Her daughter was screaming and no help. I looked at my mama and told her, find someone to call an ambulance. She might have had a heart attack! Mama stood there glued to the spot, her eyes filled with tears. I can't! She told me. By this time others had come to help. I took mama outside and helped her into the car. Soon my husband and uncle had found us and we headed home. Mama told this story "I never told anybody, not even family," she said in a soft voice. "It all hit me when I saw Her again! My husband cheated on me. With that woman. He caught Syphilis from her. I was pregnant. He was really sick and had to go in the hospital for weeks. He was very sick when I found out that I had it. I couldn't go into the hospital. I had three young children. One just two years old. The doctor treated me at home and I told nobody. When the baby was born she was perfect, even though she was early. She had beautiful skin, not wrinkled and she seldom cried. She lived five days. Our old Dr told me after she died that he knew she would but he prayed anyway. Only he, my husband and me knowed why she died. I had syphilis, so did she. We had no pictures so the photographer from Cumberland took a picture of her after she died so my husband could see her. He was still in the hospital. It was hard for me to forgive him. I wouldnt let him come home until I was sure I could put the past into the past. He stayed with his maw for several months ànd after a while and a lot of praying I let him come home. I talked to the old Dr about it and he told me, 'now Lizzie, if you can't let it go and truly forgive him, then you shouldn't let him come back. You can't have a relationship when things, even terrible things, aren't forgiven.' I forgave him and went on to have that one last baby." She said, "I never saw the woman again until today I suspect it will take a whole lot of of prayers to forgive her." Honestly I'm not sure I could have forgiven that but I would not have allowed him into my life if I had been my mother, but if not I would not be here today. I was the last child. But she said she never mentioned it to him again. She never forgot her little children though and I saw her tears when we visited their graves, and I witnessed horrible heartbreak. I am in the process of writing a book about those days and I was not sure if I should include this story or tell it to anyone but today I felt I should write about it ànd about forgiveness. My Christmas message is that forgiveness is the hardest thing we can possibly do and if we can't forgive that person then we shouldn't allow them back into our lives, for forgiveness is not forgiveness if you keep reminding them of their fall from grace. It's not easy, never easy to truly forgive! I hope you all can forgive me for this heartbreaking story on Christmas. (Christmas snow two years ago)--December 25
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