Responses to "My problem is that I have said things and done bad things and I have a very difficult time forgiving myself."

 A friend of mine posted the following message on Facebook last night:

In my life, my walk of Faith is difficult and fraught with doubt. I have no trouble with believing that Jesus loves me; He proved that to me 2000 years ago on the Cross at Calvary. He loves us all.
My problem is that I have said things and done bad things and I have a very difficult time forgiving myself.
Does anyone out there relate to me in this situation? I'm a Senior citizen with health issues. In my last years, I want to be useful to God, not running away from Him
I was prayed over by five Christian friends today....
Maybe I just need to trust God's Love and help others...

These are common and real concerns that many people have. How do we know love and do forgiveness? How do we help ourselves and help others along as we struggle with questions of faith and meaning? My starting point here is in the Christian Bible with Philippians 4:4-9, but I am not one for giving people a Bible verse and leaving things there. I asked a few trusted people in my life for their reactions and suggestions. I'm going to post their responses as I get them, but please feel good about posting your reactions as well and please check back to see additional responses. 

One friend wrote:

When Jesus died on the cross he said it was finished... I struggled with that too but one day someone asked me if the God of the universe forgives everything I've ever done wrong then who am I to not forgives myself. I would suggest prayer and read the bible ask God to help and he will praying for ya in Jesus name. Also tell him to think about Paul the man who wrote most of the new testament. He was a persecutor of christians.

Another friend wrote:

Well . . . To me, this falls in the “What is mine?” category. Forgiveness of my sins is not mine to decide. My opportunity is to ask for forgiveness. My responsibility is to learn how to not do it again. Too much time worrying about my future - obscures my seeing and serving others. [Easier said than done] One more: The future is unknown. We can plan. We can guess. We can discuss. We can worry. How much have we spent on the unknown.

And another friend wrote:

Sounds like that cloud of doubt is trying to block him from really knowing God’s love.
God loves us like we love our children, unconditional love. When He looks at us, he doesn’t see our faults and sins, He sees his Son, Jesus, who gave his very life for us.
Love beyond measure is hard to accept.
We only see our sinful selves. But God looks at us with the eyes of a Father. It brings Him joy to forgive us. He wants to smother us with His love.
But we see ourselves as unworthy and miss out on the blessings He willingly gives us.
God is love, that’s not a feeling He has, it’s who He is.
Sometimes we just need to be silent and feel that love He has for us.
We need to stop arguing in our hearts and minds and just be quiet and listen.
We get in our own way.
I’ll pray your friend finds that peace he’s looking for. More important I pray he sees who God really is.

My wish for you for the new year

I think that a friend and mentor of mine put it quite well the other day when he had the following to say about the coming of the new year and a self-assessment he was doing. He wrote:

I've always thought of new years eve as the most important time of year. It's a time to reflect and also look ahead. For me it's not about staying up and celebrating or making unrealistic resolutions but about having hope and a direction as I move on in life. It's personal. I know what I want to strive for and I probably won't get there completely but I will gain ground. I haven't forgotten where my bones are buried and my demons and I are on a first name basis.

I have a ton of regrets but at the same time a lot to be proud of. And I know there are people in this world who love me and that is enough. So I will continue to gain ground.
Happy new year! And peace to all!

I'm moved by this for several reasons. This comes from someone who I think approaches life with the right attitude and who I think is in a good place. I don't agree with everything that he says on other topics, but he's the kind of person who can make me think twice about something. He has a blue-collar wisdom that I understand and that I wish that I had more of. There is also a real humanism and realism in these words, and there is something instructive in that. Some people will go all out with platitudes, some people will be brief and formal, some people do the sugar-coating around this time of year. But this is a real self-assessment with some vulnerability to it and not everyone is strong enough to think this through and put that out there. These are also healing words. Someone can read this and see themselves in these words and step back and think that they aren't alone and that their life and their struggles and their hopes and the way that they're trying to give order to their life has some meaning after all.

So many people who I know are struggling in one way or another to give their lives order and meaning, and so few people who I know who are trying to do this have the support needed to make a good job out of it. It's hard to do. The person who wrote this has a strong bonded relationship with a woman who shares his values. They have a couple of pets. They're the kind of people others listen to and respect, and no one goes away from them without feeling their strength. They worked hard to get there. And here's the hint from above to find order and meaning in your daily life: you can't do it entirely on your own. We aren't wired for solitary lives and for not having to be accountable to others. This isn't about a party that never ends. Like my friend and mentor says, "And I know there are people in this world who love me and that is enough. So I will continue to gain ground."


My wish for all of us is that in 2023 we draw in closer, build solidarity and community, find the real love that we're made for, and gain lots of ground.

These are a few of our essential things...

This one comes with a soundtrack. Please click here.

I am at a point in my life where pretty much everything that I need or want can be had at Coastal Supply, Bi-Mart, and Work-N-Wear in Salem, Oregon, and at Goodson's Market in Welch, West Virginia. I do appreciate it when I can shop on the White Lily Amazon page, the J.T. Copper Flavors webpage and the Tiny House Fine Southern Foods webpage, and at the West Virginia Mine Wars Museum in Matewan, West Virginia and at the Ralph Stanley Museum in Clintwood, Virginia. I haven't been there in years, but Powell's Books in Portland used to be a favorite place. 

There is a difference between "need" and "want" and there isn't much that I need. Not getting a paycheck helps you understand the difference. In fact, I'm trying to get rid of quite a few things these days and take care of my needs. It's harder for me to get rid of my wants. There are some things that fall into a gray area. Do I want or need a home in Welch, Princeton, or Beckley, West Virginia? Do I want or need a cast-iron Dutch oven? This post is less about wants and more about needs, essentials, and the handy things that make life easier for us.

The idea for this post took off when a Facebook friend in Southwestern Virginia posted about the "Electric Lunch Box [Upgraded],60W High-power Food Heater,12V 24V 110V 3 in1 Portable microwave for Car/Truck/Home–Leak proof, Removable 304 Stainless Steel Container fork & spoon and Carry Bag" that she found on Amazon. She wrote the following:

ATTENTION: Blue-Collar spouses!
If your significant other works in an environment where he or she is unable to have a hot meal because they don’t have a microwave handy or they don’t have a place to heat up their food, then let me tell you about the best thing that I have ever purchased for Seth! It was originally supposed to be a Christmas present, but I just couldn’t wait to give it to him, seeing as the temperatures have dropped like they have. It’s soup season, ya know! He is used to having things that can be eaten cold, like sandwiches, or tuna, or things of that nature. Sometimes, the occasional leftovers from dinner, but his insulated stainless steel bowl can only do so much as far as retaining heat. I have been looking into electric lunchboxes for a while, but the ones that I had found at first were so expensive. So I gave up for a bit. And I was really skeptical about them anyway, but I figured, “Hey, it’s Christmas. I can splurge a little for a gift!” And I am doing “no crap for Christmas” this year, which means I am not giving things that I don’t think you can use or that I don’t think that you will love. So I went to Amazon. And sure enough I found a comparable lunchbox at a way cheaper price. Let me tell you that this lunch box has been a game changer. It’s the easiest to clean, it has a wall adapter and a car adapter, and it gets the food super hot! He told me that after using it the first night that he could not even eat his food at first. He had to let it cool before he could. This has opened up so many opportunities for us to put different things in his bucket. Safe to say, this has been one of the best purchases I’ve made. Also, this is not paid or a promise gift card review. This is just one blue collar wife, suggesting something to other blue-collar wives.

That got me to thinking about what is essential to my life as a working-class person and what my blue-collar and working-class friends think is essential for them.

One good friend in West Virginia said "I wear a John Deere hoodie as a coat in fall and spring. In winter if it’s below about 20, I wear a waterproof shell coat over it with a bright orange TEK hat that the Welch garbage collectors gave me and I’m plenty warm."

An old friend in Oregon said "My 35 year old Navy pea jacket. This thing keeps me warm in really cold weather, repels water and has a nice collar which really breaks the wind. Great picket line coat in cold weather."

People dropped me lines that listed duct tape, Sugru glue, a nutcracker, a laptop, a stove, Melitta Coffee Filters, Seattle's Best Coffee 6th Avenue Bistro Blend, daycare, a notepad and pen, Zoom, and the lock on a front door.

The Polaris Cordless Cap Lamp, the Wisdom Wiselite2 Cordless Cap Lamp and charger, and the Matterhorn Men's 15" Internal MetGuard Mine Boot made the list.

One friend in Oregon sent the following list:

* Monster Maul. Steel handle with a 16 pound head for manually splitting fire wood. Works great, even on pecan and bodark. A word of caution: never use bodark as firewood although it makes for great house piers.
* Post hole digger. One of the tools of ignorance. I wore one out fencing in a portion of 30 acres; my “new” one is still serviceable.
* Manual t-post driver.
* Bib Overalls. An essential.
* Framing hammer. I prefer a 28 oz Estwing. Used extensively before nail guns became popular. Estwing also makes great hatchets.

A friend in Southwestern Virginia said "For us it is all about coffee. My husband has always carried a Stanley thermos full of coffee. I carry a nice, big travel mug. Some of my favorite work accessories have been coffee cups. I remember my Mom had a plastic mug that was white on the outside but black from her coffee on the inside. We love our coffee."

Perhaps the most touching response came from a union sister here in Oregon. She highlighted relationships with her neighbors as being essential. Other union friends highlighted donating to their union's hardship funds and one friend said loaning their truck to the cause "whatever the cause is."

I think that this is a good overview of working-class and blue-collar life right now. No one mentioned drugs, guns or alarms, or monster trucks. We like building and repairing, planting, writing, staying warm, staying safe, staying caffeinated, eating warm meals. And we do like our privacy and safety, but we also value our neighbors and friends. Or maybe I just know some the best people there are.