Soap and Water
A circuit preacher was asked to come to dinner by one of the ladies in the church. When he sat down at the table, he noticed that the dishes were the dirtiest that he had ever seen in his life.
“Excuse me, M’aam, but, are you sure these plates are clean?” he asked his hostess as politely as possible.
“They're clean as soap and water can get ‘em,” she says.
Uneasy, but not wanting to be rude, he said an extra-hearty blessing for the meal, and ate what was put before him. It was delicious!
After dinner, the preacher started helping the lady put the plates by the sink.
“Oh, I’ll take care of ‘em! You can just sit yourself down and take it easy, Preacher!”
He sat back and watched with curiosity as she took the plates out to the porch and laid them all out one by one in the afternoon sun. She then put her fingers to her mouth, whistled for the dogs and said, “Here Soap, here Water!” —Lauren Lance with Jackie Allmon.
A Dying Man's Last Wish
There was a man who had worked all his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real miser when it came to his money. Just before he died, he said to his wife, "When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me." And so he got his wife to promise him, with all of her heart, that when he died she would put all of the money into the casket with him.
Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there - dressed in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, and just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait just a moment!" She had a small metal box with her; she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked it and took the casket down and they rolled it away.
So her friend said, "Girl, I know you were not foolish enough to put all that money in there with your husband."
The loyal wife replied, "Listen, I'm a Christian; I cannot go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money into the casket with him."
"You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him?" “I sure did," said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my account and wrote him a check... If he can cash it, then he can spend it....
From Journey of a Mountain Woman
He was bent with hard work, hard times, and hard aches, and age had little to do with it, although he was old. He sat beside me on the hillside, I was about seven, and we could see cars in the distance through the shedding autumn leaves. He showed me how to whistle through a blade of grass, but I've long since forgotten. He told me, "I've never rode in a car before. Reckon I never will til the day I die." He never did til that one last time, cause he didn't want to do so. He walked up the railroad on election day, marked his x, accepted a pop and a baloney sandwich and then walked home. But he was a good man. He worked the mules in the logging woods, a mule skinner they called him. He had no education but he was smart with common sense. He worked hard. He couldn't read the Bible but he loved Christ. I was his step grand daughter, no kin atall but he loved me deeply and I loved him. When he was so bent and could hardly walk, I'd take him a candy bar for he loved candy. He would put it in his coat pocket and I knew he would find a solitary moment to enjoy it. I called a neighbor every morning those last days to check on him before I went to school. We didn't have a phone either. One day he was gone. I loved that dear old man! Pap.
Chicken and Dumplings
So at Cracker Barrel today I hear a teenage girl ask her mom “What’s chicken and dumplings?” And her mom answers “It’s like a pasta with chicken and creamy sauce over it.”
Lord child, let me just tell you, I ‘bout fell out my chair. What is chicken and dumplings? Soul food, honey. It’s a steamy bowl of goodness that’ll make you wanna slap your momma and believe the south will rise in justice. You’ll be full as a tick and grinnin’ like a possum with a bowl of these. It ain’t no pasta, it’s a southern masterpiece in your mouth! It’s only the greatest thing since sliced bread. Get you some, you’ll be glad you did. Until then, bless her heart
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